so hard...
10:05 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 20, 2005

i was reading my cousin's blog today. i was happy to see that she also felt guilty for going on with her life as though "nothing happened." But something DID happen. And i can't change it no matter how hard i try.

Today, my 4 teachers, whose classes i missed on tuesday, asked me how i was doing. It's so easy to put on a happy face, isn't it? To give them what they want to hear. Sometimes i just wanted to tell them: "how the hell do you THINK i'm doing you lunatic? you want to know?" And then procede to list off the most horrendous things i can think of, even if it isn't how i feel. But they are just being nice. So there is no reason to go all crazed bitch on them. they mean well.

Dave and i went to get sushi and ice cream. I was in a bad mood the whole time and felt horrible becaue of my bad mood. I still feel bad. He has mentioned CAPS to me twice (at least) now. (couciling and psychological services....or something). Amy has too. And i swear, if i still feel this bad by the end of feb., i'm going. But i really think that i just want to work out this stupid grief my own way. And maybe that is just being kind of sporadically depressed. But i'm also very happy because i have someone as awesome as him that i know i can always talk to and he'll never judge me.

I plan on working a lot on homework this weekend. Plan. We'll see if it happens. I'm going to bed now...at 10:12pm. Asleep by 10:30 probably...i'm emotionally exhausted...

it's and emotionally draining week...

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"I am my father's daughter. I am not afraid of anything"

Forever in My Heart
Dale B. Spencer
1952-2005

My Angel

~*~Chloe~*~
2000-2005

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