For You.
9:21 a.m. Sunday, Nov. 23, 2003

i wonder if you read this....if you do..now you know.

Here is the deal...for how i am feeling now (and we all know i change all the damn time):

I feel as though i have made it quite clear that i am interested...in fact any idiot can tell. However, this is exactly where the problem comes in. If a person is to say to me "i think you are a great girl" and "i want to get to know you better" (etc etc ETC!!) then wouldn't that person make an effort to talk to me, or to get together with me? Because i feel as though i am the one who is putting for beaucoup d'energie. I call; i talk; i make a plan; i act on it. you don't. and i don't understand.

Here is where things get even more complicated in my head. when i see you...if i am with you, you are so sweet. You look at me in a way that says "you are so amazing" and you act as though you truly do want to be with me.

There is a dichotomy that i can't handle. So when i see "i just wanna be something to somebody"....i do not know what to think. Because you are something to me. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing now. But you sure as hell are in my head a lot.

I know that i am busy, and so are you. I know that you say you hate phones, but there's no reason to not talk to me at all. Unless you just don't like me anymore. And dammit, that is FINE. Not like we've been together for ages. WE've only talked about getting to know each other. And i know Xmas break is coming quick; and i know i'm probably blowing things out of proportion and i'm seeing things that probably aren't there. But this is how i feel.

And i'll try to live by the new creed of "Be happy with the times you've spent together and do not lament the times that you were apart" ... but i know that if you call or wahtever, i'll probably be my old self again. I don't like that there is a loss of control for me. But at the exact same time, i refuse to be a back up plan for you, and i refuse to be the fall back....

So....as Shakespeare said about women, "We should be woo'd and were not made to woo" (A Midsummer Night's Dream). So there you go. My feelings out on the line for literally the whole internet universe to see. I'm laying it out. It's been one sided...and it's been on my side. The ball is in your court. I don't care what you say. Just say something. I'm cool with just being friends, because you are an awesome guy! But let me know now before my wall is torn totally down and i am left defensless and cold...and alone.

Honestly and communication....cliche...but cliches exist for reasons.

I can't believe i just wrote all this. Oh well.

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"I am my father's daughter. I am not afraid of anything"

Forever in My Heart
Dale B. Spencer
1952-2005

My Angel

~*~Chloe~*~
2000-2005

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