contemplations in the willkie library
12:24 p.m. Wednesday, Sept. 29, 2004
Jessie: i TOTALLY understand what you are saying, and i'm very sorry thatit is only the second week and you're finding that out.
Work today was ok. Poor john wick is sick (rhyme!) but id oubt it's a hangover. He wasn't in class yesterday and that is very not like him.
I have lots to write today. I changed my entire thesis yesterday...from "Define film noir" to "voyeurism and freudian anaylsis in regards to women in film noir". Why, i'm not sure. But it just feels like a more sturdy topic and that maybe, just maybe, i can have an "original" thesis besides the stuff that we all talked about in class.
I'm totally paranoid about unoriginality anymore. My sophomore year, my favorite professor told me that my entire paper topic was unoriginal and uninspiring. That everything was taken from in class discussions and passages we read in class. Granted, i didn't try my hardest at that paper, but man, that was a severe blow to the ol' creative self esteem. Now i go super-out-my-way to write something quasi-original. I guess it's just a bit of a problem because i feel that everything has been said before. if not by me, then by someone else. There is a way of thinking (and what theorist said this, i cannot remember) that claims that there is NO original thoughts anymore. There are just some basic ones and they get regurgitated over and over. Sure, someone may tweak it, but it is never original. It's quite depressing really. Maybe this explains why i love charlie kaufman so much?
anywho! i get to see Tia tonight! she, Kristin, joy and i are going to see Crazy For You tonight. I think kristin's gonna cut out a bit early for some fun at the bird. I REALLY want to join her. That or see Catfight play, but i HAVE to write this paper. Inventory is tomorrow night, so i'll be working a lot and cannot really afford to not do this paper tonight. I should've gotten it done over the weekend, but please.
Senioritis. It's really hitting me pretty hard. And it REALLY shouldn't because i'm really nowhere near ready to graduate. I still have to pass my classes with at least a C this semester (shouldn't be too hard, but i am kind of worried about both film classes [film studies is assuming that i've had a film study class before, nope! and the art history film class is a 400 level class that just seems to go way over my head...] and phonetics), take 15 credits next semester and pass them, get a JOB lined up for next year, decide where i'll BE next year (btown? big city? Greenfield? [shudder]) But at the same time i just want to party it up and have a crap load of fun! because i've worked my ASS off for the past 3 years so that i COULD goof off a bit more this year.
Anyway, time to walk to class. the weather is getting colder and i'm getting happier and happier. I caught a smell of fall the other day. Ah, it was glorious. Football, and crisp air, and hoodies, and beer, and pumpkins, and changing leaves. (then a big wind comes and all you've got is sticks for the rest of the year...thanks lew ;D) Of course, it jumps back and forth every season, but this is my favorite time of the year. (until spring.)
Can you tell that i don't want to go to class? Sign the guestbook with some love (unlike some people who are very very mature...). Love you all!
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